Tune Your Intuition

I remember the moment I lost faith in myself.

I was 21, and looking for a roommate on Craigslist. I wanted to find someone that I had no past with so that I could call the shots and make the rules. Specifically looking for a stranger to live with is a bit odd, but I was ready to prove everyone wrong. I met a girl my age through email and phone calls. She was travelling and coming to Canada the following month, so she sent me money for rent via bank drafts (remember those?!) to secure her spot. She ‘accidentally’ sent more than was needed, so she requested I return a substantial portion. As I write this I think “Oh God, how did I not see this happening?” The truth is I was in desperation mode and was only able to see what I wanted to see. Desperation, insecurity and fear are all enemies of your intuition. I had already committed to the suite and was a month into paying rent on my own, which was too much for just me. So when this opportunity came up, even if it was too good to be true, I was completely blinded by it. Of course, the bank drafts bounced and I ended up falling victim to a scam and I played the victim card hard.

The Blame Game

First, I blamed everyone but myself. Then I quickly transitioned into blaming only myself. I was in debt and had nothing to show for it. My ego was crushed. I couldn’t tell anyone my story without feeling like a complete failure. Right then and there I blamed my gut instinct and stopped trusting my intuition. I became what I thought was a “responsible adult” and left my whimsical self in the dust. I dove into what I thought adulthood should look like and it slowly began to destroy my true self.

The Deep, Dark Place

I lost a lot of me along the way. I was doing all the things that I thought I was supposed to do but I was never truly happy. I was struggling with anxiety and depression and kept it hidden from those I love. Sound familiar? Like most adults trying to ‘do it all,’ without actually knowing what I wanted, I couldn’t breathe any longer. It took becoming a mother and seeing my daughters not trust themselves to realize how much of myself I’d lost. I started working on my traumas, practiced getting uncomfortable, and doing the things that scared me because I know that is the path to growing and flourishing. I know that those are important steps to finding myself and trusting Her again.

Trust Your Body & Spirit

Communication with myself and my family has been the best tool along the way. Saying things out loud means you are accountable and you are placing faith in the universe to take you where you need to go. The more you let your intuition/higher power/spirit/source/God guide you, the more in tune you become with what feels right and what doesn’t. Our bodies are talking to us every moment of every day, pleading with us to listen and remove ourselves from toxicity or nourish us with movement and attention. Signs that we aren’t on the right path can show itself in the most obvious ways likes constant headaches or chronic pain, fatigue or anxiety. We’ve been told that this is all normal and have been prescribed quick fixes to help us power through instead of sitting with it and finding the underlaying causes.

Life The Way Your Soul Is Supposed To Live

As unbelievable as this may sound, I’m here to tell you that there is a way back to that self that you may have lost along the way. Slowly at first and then faster and faster it happens. The trusting comes back. The joy and flow returns. Life the way your soul is supposed to live finds us again. I don’t have all the answers and know I never will but I do know that the more I trust my intuition the more pleasure fills my life. The more love, attention and care I give to myself, to that woman inside that I abandoned, the more open I am to receive all the good, beautiful, joyful things life is full of.

Speak It Out Loud

Start with simple daily affirmations, written or spoken out loud. Allow yourself time and space (even 5 minutes) to dream and visualize where you truly want to be in this one precious life. Don’t be afraid or discouraged by the details. Have faith that if you surround yourself with whatever you aspire to have in your life it will come. Life is about living the life You want. Show up for yourself. Believe that your intuition has the answers you need. Give yourself room to breathe, to reflect and, above all, leave space to trust yourself again. I promise, it will be beautiful. ❤️